Looking for the Doctor Who Communicates

True communication starts with honesty—with the doctor telling you the whole truth and answering all your questions. If your doctor is aware of this, he will do his utmost to lead you to an accurate understanding of the significance of the diagnosis, and to an awareness of what he can or cannot do.

Only in this way will you both be clear where his responsibility ends and yours begins. It is not your doctor's function to decide what is an appropriate life or death for you. As such, he will never tell you he has "bad news" for you. There are better ways of putting the facts to you. Your doctor needs to tell you the truth in a way that leads you, as gently as possible, to your own understanding of it. It's most unlikely that you will find the courage to struggle on if your condition is presented to you as terminal or as a crisis. If it's presented to you as a challenge, there's every chance it will bring out the fighting spirit in you.

Choosing the right words
Most people remember very little of what they've been told in dramatic circumstances, particularly when they have been told they have a life-threatening illness. Your doctor has to choose his words carefully, speak to you in language you understand, and check with you constantly to make sure you grasp what he has told you.

The art of skilful communication is vital to good medicine at all times. This is especially important when your doctor discusses your treatment program with you. He owes it to you to make sure you not only understand what he has said-but that you understand the implications.

Look for the doctor who listens
Long before a doctor can assess whether you want to hear the truth or whether you are strong enough to handle it, he has to find out more about you. To do so, he must strive to be an empathic listener. If he's smart, he'll button his lip and encourage you to talk. How else can he know what you really feel? Just listening to your questions can make a world of difference—even if he doesn't have the answers.

The doctor who really listens, does so with both ears: one attuned to what you say and the other to what you don't say—even your silences can speak volumes about the way you feel. The doctor who listens understands that you need time—and he gives you time—to absorb and respond to what he discusses with you. A single session is usually too short to allow adequate discussion of treatment and available options.

The opportunity to establish good communications is lost when you are discouraged from asking questions and when you feel rushed. You are bound to feel less important if your doctor interrupts you while you are talking or asking questions. No one can talk and listen at the same time.

Look for the doctor with humility. If he has acquired some wisdom, your doctor will recognize that he:

• he has limitations as well as strengths
• he has the potential for disease within himself and is also mortal
• there is much he does not know
• he can only diagnose and manage your symptoms, knows healing is one of life's miracles
• that any compulsion he feels to be in control is a mask behind which to hide his own fears.

So who is the right doctor?

• He's the one who is prepared to listen to you, share what he knows with you, regards care and cure in the same light, and who will always continue to comfort you when he finds he cannot relieve your symptoms.
• He's the one who knows that the more time he spends with you and the closer he gets to you, the better his chance of making the right diagnosis and suggesting the most appropriate course of treatment for you.
• He's the one who treats you as a whole person and is as concerned about your dignity as your health. He's the one who does not patronize you and never speaks to you in that tone of voice that keeps you at arm's length.
• He's the one who recognizes you are an individual with feelings and says, ‘Hello, Mrs. Jones. How are you today?' - and says it with feeling.
• He's the one who believes in honesty, and when he can't find the right words, admits he doesn't know what to say.
• He's the one who explains things clearly, projects confidence in his ability and matches your needs.

Choose someone who cares, someone you like, someone you can trust, someone who knows what they're doing—and why.

If you have any health or illness related questions you would like me to answer, please don't hesitate to leave a comment in the section below. My answers to your questions will be posted on our blog and it is my sincere hope these will be helpful to you.

In light and peace

Joel