Don’t Fall Into the Elf’s Trap

With the holidays fast approaching more and more people I know have the “Elf on the Shelf.”  If you’re not familiar, it’s a storybook and Elf doll. The Elf sits on a shelf in your home and watches the children all day to see if they are being naughty or nice. They name it and can’t touch it.  

Each night it supposedly travels to the North Pole to tell Santa what is happening and then reappears in a different location each morning. It’s fun for us parents to move around and then enjoy the anticipation of the children. At night before bed my four year old will ask, “I wonder where the Elf will be tomorrow?”   

The thing to be mindful of however is not to fall into the slippery slope of leaning on the Elf too hard for discipline. He can become a crutch, as in “Don’t do that, the Elf is watching...”  

The good news is, if you take a more balanced approach, the Elf can be a trigger or reminder for positive reinforcement. For example, when you see your kids sharing a toy or doing a good deed, praise them.  Say, “I bet the Elf is going to have a good report for Santa today.”  

Many researchers, such as Alan Kazdin of the Yale Child Development program, conduct research on the benefits of positive reinforcement—especially when it’s specific, timely, and with enthusiasm.  When the Elf is gone post-holidays and there isn’t the promise of stockings or gifts on the horizon you can still use praise.

A star chart with a big win at the end can also be great way to get kids to work together and be on the same team—different goals, age appropriate, same prize. Have fun with it.  

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.